“If it hurts, that’s your body telling you to stop and slow down,” says Archie Bongiovanni, a sexual-health educator and events coordinator at the Minneapolis store Smitten Kitten.
When you’re ready to start actually using a butt plug, either with a partner or on your own, it’s important to remember that it should never be painful.
If you’re exploring outside of the shower, keep a damp cloth nearby in case you need to clean anything up.” “You could also explore butt play in the shower, where you and/or your partner are already in a space that makes for easy cleanup. If you’re concerned about cleanliness, “I recommend taking a shower and washing your ass really well before you start,” Whitney says. Prepping physically is more of a nonnegotiable. “Sex can happen so fast sometimes, and I love reminding folks to slow the pace a bit and begin foreplay outside of a sexual context,” they say. They recommend taking time to connect with yourself with acts of self-care, like a self-massage, breathwork, and setting the mood with candles and music. Prepping mentally for anal exploration is highly encouraged by Ev’Yan Whitney, a sexuality doula and author of Sensual Self. “The anal area has a high concentration of nerve endings that are stimulated by even the smallest butt plug.” “Start slow and small and use plenty of lube,” says Liz Goldwyn, founder of the sexual health education website and podcast The Sex Ed. While butt plugs might seem intimidating if you’ve never used one before, sex experts stress that with proper preparation, a little bit of patience, and a lot of lubrication, these toys can be a pleasurable addition to your sex life.
Illustration: Chaimae Khouldi Photos: Retailers